Moving on...

We're moving through some of the grief - but very slowly. It's been a beautiful time in some ways - the caring hugs and support from so many folks, both internet buddies and real life friends and family. It's been hard too, because by being so open about this whole process it seems like EVERYONE we know, knows about it. I don't regret being open though - I think it's important on many different levels. Some folks will go away with a better understanding of infertility and those struggling with it, others will think about starting their families earlier just in case, and next time there is lobbying for more Government funding more folks might feel they want to have some input.

I've cried so much in the last few days I've made myself ill. I had to apologise to my neighbour, who's five year old boy was in our garden on Sunday and ran home upset after he heard me sobbing when the phone call came in. Luckily, she knew what was going on so was able to reassure him. I think my work colleagues are getting used to seeing me in floods of tears whenever someone else comes in to say they are sorry.

I think it's hard for Rupert - he takes care of me, and I worry that he isn't able to have a good cry (or ten) like me and let it all out. He has been so wonderful - allowing me to sob and rail and keen, and go to bed at 7pm. We both feel a little numb today - and are going through that whole "what's the point" feeling. Somehow the normal things that occupy our time, and work life, don't seem that important anymore. I've been there before, and I know it passes, but grieving does take time no matter what the loss.

Earlier in the year we used the last of Rupe's airpoints to book a trip to Perth next month. If I had fallen pregnant, we were going to cancel it - I didn't want to travel that early on, especially after being in the US in December 2004 when we lost our baby. But, we've decided to go on this trip as it's all paid for, and I think it's been a good distraction for Rupes to do the chores - booking a place at the kennel for Katie, organising travel insurance, etc. Right now I can't say I am looking forward to it, or anything else very much, but I am sure the break and the time together will do us good.

So...we keep going. We are both busy at work which helps, and then we come home to our wee cocoon and take care of each other. Katie keeps us smiling, and the cats are always ready for a cuddle. I have no idea what we will do next - which of the options that might be open to us we will pursue, but that's ok. Right now we just need to grieve and heal up from this.

Thank you all for your caring and support. Oh, and if you have a moment on Sunday, feel free to drop Rupert a line for his birthday. I'd hoped to give him a better present, but it wasn't to be.