Saturday, March 29, 2008

I See Red, I See Red, I See Red!

I've had a couple of complaints about my blog being very quiet. That's probably because life is pretty quiet right now! With our financial year end coming up (Monday argh!) I have been working pretty hard on getting everything ready, up to date, and issues sorted out. Apart from that, there has been a good amount of time spent in the garden, which is progressing fairly well, and a bit of time on the treadmill training up for tomorrow's first run/walk. I did the course last weekend with Rupes just to make sure I actually could walk 5kms on that track, and finished in a time of 48m 22s - we took a wee wrong turn so that was actually about 5.3kms. I'm hoping for around 45m tomorrow at the first race, but we shall see. The weather isn't looking too great, so I am not sure how much it will slow me down to walk in the rain!

And I See Red! Nope, I'm not angry...but we went to see Split Enz in concert last night with some friends. What a great night - I had forgotten how many awesome songs they had. If you're not familiar with the band, try downloading some of their music - it's all good! And it has been so long since I've been to a concert, I must do it more often. Really really fun. Something about seeing a live performance that just makes you wanna rock!

On the ferry trip home last night, I ran into an old friend - I probably haven't seen her in 15 years, and she'd had a few drinks so was probably a little more open than she would have been otherwise. We had a chat, and I asked her how she was, and she pretty much burst into tears and told me that life was awful and that's she'd just had a miscarriage and was giving up on having babies. I nodded, and told her that I'd a miscarriage too recently. She almost begged for us to get together for coffee soon. She is really hurting, and it hurt to see it - I am so lucky with the friends and family around me who allow me to talk out my pain, or at least understand when I am feeling down. It does help. I wonder who she has to talk to...I guess me for a start now.

It's a strange thing, this infertility. I have moments of sadness still, of course. But right now, I am focussed on my goals - my job and the busy time ahead, my walking/running and the first challenge tomorrow, and working/improving around home. Add to that some really good social time with friends lately and my mood is pretty good. But always, at the back of my mind, is the thought "is this all there will ever be?" I guess I am going to have to learn to reconcile the life I have now (which I do love) with the dreams of a child, and perhaps finally come to the realisation that life CAN be good like this. Without a baby, a child. I know it can - I have friends who have made that adjustment (both willingly and unwillingly) and I think I need to work on acceptance.

That's pretty much it from me. Toby and Katie are doing fine, Toby is growing daily, and his behaviour is improving (slowly, but improving!) Katie is great apart from her occasional escapes from the park to play in the tidal mud. I am resorting to taking treats to the park whenever I can so she gets the idea of "come" meaning come to me, not run the other way!

Oh. And Hi Dad! My dad reads my blog - which is quite funny in a way - but it's all good too :-) He's probably learned far more than he ever wanted to about his daughter and her infertile adventures!


Blogger Kenya said...

Hey hey thanks for checking in

1:32 PM  

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