Tired out and emotional...

Ahh, the hormones really hit yesterday, and I had a good cry for half an hour. DH was lovely, of course, and escaped later for an afternoon of sailing far away from all wives with Gonal F induced craziness. So, I had a couple of hours in the sun painting the fence and thinking about things in general. And then I had to come back inside as I burst into tears when I *finally* realised that this cycle is IT!

You see, I knew from my laparoscopy in February that my left fallopian tube is damaged and leaking. And from these two IVF attempts, I know that the right ovary is completely inactive. If it is actually there and hasn't moved to a more hospitable climate. So, that means that if this cycle doesn't work, then that's the end. No miracles. No "oops we got pregnant after IVF". Nothing. Nada. No chance at all. That hurt quite a lot. I think I needed time to grieve that complete loss of hope - it had always been at the back of my mind that just maybe, something would happen. And I finally figured it out that it wouldn't.

I have regained some of my positivity, out of necessity, as I know I have to get through the next few days of scans, blood tests, and hopefully an egg retrieval. So...it's not over till the fat lady sings, and I am not giving up quite yet. Will report blood test and scan results tomorrow!