How Positive is a Positive?

Saturday.

Laying on the bed, feeling really exhausted. I'd been out in the garden, and was now having a much needed ten minutes with my book, Katie beside me in her normal pose, head and shoulders on my chest. She likes that. It means I can rub her ears constantly. Then, she lifted her head and pushed her nose into my abdomen. And sniffed. Three times. And then kind of looked at me in a funny way, a little concerned.I reached for the wee diary where I had been carefully NOT recording any details. A quick bit of adding and I realised I was a day late. And my boobs hurt. So, I got up and did a pregnancy test. Two minutes later, it was negative and I threw it away. Half an hour later I retrieved it from the bin and there was a faint pink second line.I cried a little. Told Rupert. We decided to be mature and self possessed.

Sunday

Up at 5.30am. Couldn't sleep. Peed on another test and this time watched it as the cross formed. Definately. Absolutely. Pregnant. Am in complete control of emotions. Spent day napping and relaxing and making frequent bathroom visits "just in case". Boobs still sore, and prodding them hourly probably doesn't help. Some dizziness and a bit light headed, and very tired. Maturity hard to maintain as keep going off into dreams about August 5th (estimated due date)!

Monday

Called my doctor to make appt - can't see me till Tuesday. In a very mature yet forceful way, convinced Doctor's nurse that I was a HIGH RISK patient dammit and she had to fax the blood test form for the beta right NOW even if another doctor at the practice had to sign it. She did. Beta of 169 (LMP 29th Oct, Days Past Ovulation 16).

Tuesday

Saw my doctor. Got told off for terrorising nurse (but in a nice way, my doc knows how much this means to us). Another pee stick, another positive. Got sent off for urgent ultrasound - sadly too early to see the sac anywhere but was worth a try. Am advised to be aware of any twinges which may be early warnings of another ectopic. Uterus lining is nice and thick tho, which is good.

Wednesday

First in line at blood test clinic. Beta plus three more tubes of blood drawn for normal testing. Nearly fainted. Have been in bed by 8pm the last two nights - am exhausted. Beta level of 458 - more than double in 48 hours. Hoping that is a good thing. On the wee chart I have it all checks out on the graph curve - so it's not super high, or lower than it should be.

Friday

HCG of 1012 - right on the graph as it should be. Starting to really feel the body changes - tiredness, nausea, dizziness. I usually "hit the wall" around 2pm in the afternoon, where my whole body just yearns for a nap. And again around 8pm I seem to get very tired, so am doing the right thing and listening to my body, while eating small amounts often to try and keep the dizziness at bay.

So...the upshot of all this is that we are pregnant - but very early days yet. Next week will be three more blood tests, hopefully followed the following week by another scan that will show us where the baby is! For those of my "real life" friends and family who read my blog still (if you do, you need to get a life!) please note that while we aren't announcing this to all and sundry, we are definately not keeping it a secret either. There's a long way to go, but so far we are feeling cautiously hopeful :-)

The Feistmeister!

Toby is ... a real puppy. I say that because Jack was always an old boy in a puppy body - very chilled out, very cool. Toby, on the other hand, is 6.1 kilos of pure naughtiness and feistiness. Newspaper isn't for peeing on - it's for shredding into tiny pieces. The laundry hamper is there purely for chewing practice. And where Jack would get a tap on the nose for being naughty and rock back on his haunches and stop, Toby's response is to come back for more. And more. I think we have our hands full!

Katie and Toby are doing great. Toby jumps all over her and tries to take her toys, and she growls at him and keeps him in line. We've found when Toby is being naughty the only way to bring him down is lay him on his back and hold him there - the whole submissive/dominant thing. It used to take about 5 seconds for Jack to "give" - Toby is around 30 seconds!

But, when he snuggles up for cuddles and rests his tiny head on your arm, it's all worth it. We miss Jack so much still, but Toby really is helping. Jack's ashes will be buried under a white manuka tree this weekend, right next to my garden shed so I will see him often.

In other news, we have two white fantail doves - currently confined to our dovecote (it was at the house when we bought it so we figured we'd use it). Another couple of weeks and they'll be allowed to fly free. They are a very pretty pair, so hopefully we might get some babies too!

Apart from all of the animal news (Sandy and Dream are just fine, tho a little nonplussed by a black barking boy who thinks they want to play) we have some busy times coming up. My sis in law comes to stay next week (yeehah), then my best buddy and our Godson are visiting from Aussie (woohoo) and then it's Xmas! We've both been pretty tired, so the plan is to take things as easy as possible between work, renovations, gardening and garden building...

On the IF front no blogging at all - the course for fostering isn't till next year so we are kind of in a limbo. I still have my sadnesses...some days better than others, and I guess those pains will always be around to a certain extent. I just have to keep looking ahead, and enjoying what we have right now. Life just isn't easy sometimes, and maybe that's the point.