Update At Last

Firstly - I apologise for my absence. Life has been going well - I've just been uncertain as to where we are heading. And of course, with the new house, selling the old one, year end financials at work, plus our new puppy (meet Jack our new gorgeous black lab), well, things have been rather busy. Jack and Katie have wonderful times together, and it's surprising how little extra work he makes (apart from the odd accident!)

So...where are we at? Well, we went to see a new specialist last month. I had procrastinated for a long time as I was pretty sure the answer was going to be negative. You know how you set yourself up for disappointment? I had done a lot of grieving before I even saw the doctor, so when he said he thought we had a chance using a different protocol...well, the tears flowed. Quite embarrassing really, how quick I am to burst into tears these days.

So, the new protocol is an antagonist treatment - as far as I understand that means they don't suppress my system with birth control pills first, but just give me large doses of the stimulant. Then a scan at six days and if all looks good, we go ahead and add the antagonist injections into the mix. Apparently 60% of women who don't respond well to the standard protocol respond better with this version, and again, with three good embryos my chances are about 25%.

The good thing about this treatment is that if we get to day six and there is poor response, then we only pay for the drugs used so far - which does make it a little less daunting financially. And if we get to day six and the response is good, then I am happy to flush some more money down my tubes!

On the strength of that, and several very strong recommendations, I saw a naturopath yesterday. I've always been a bit of a sceptic, but am at the point where I want to do everything I can to give this the best chance of success. I left his office definately a sceptic no longer. First he looked at my hands, my skin, my nails, and my tongue. Then he checked out my eyes and told me I have an irritable left ovary (yes) an irritable bowel (definately yes), lower back problems (absolutely) and am highly stressed (well, I'm an accountant, that happens!). He told me all of this before he even knew what I was there for, or any of my history. I was pretty stunned. So, an hour later, after a long chat about various things I should be doing (diet, what not to eat, etc) I left his office with a few bottles of pills to help get my body ready.

So...tomorrow morning, I start my day with potions and herbs. I'm quite excited...he tells me I will see the change very quickly (I guess I have to expect a detox period but will take it easy for the next few days). And, again, it feels good to be doing something.

So, the story is not over yet folks - and for those who have complained about my lack of posting, I apologise again. I've felt so uncertain about the direction we should go in - I long for a baby, and just can't bring myself to give up, but at the same time I don't want to try if it means certain failure. I have some hope. And that's enough to be going on with.